right. it's scary how fast control goes. i need people to ENSURE that i blog daily, or at least every other day to note what i'm eating. i'll be ashamed if it's a lot. i'm on the verge at the moment, i can either have loads of control or none at all and it's see-sawing back and forth. today i've just eaten what i want without thinking. to be honest it hasn't been that unhealthy.
breakfast: coffee
lunch: wrap with boursin (light) and ham
snack: apricot yoghurt
dinner: jacket potato with like a smoked haddock sauce (probably full of cals) with raw carrots and tomatoes.

it's quite healthy to be honest just the quantity doesn't make me happy. tomorrow it's my three day fast so i'm thinking about just eating pudding now even though i'm like jhgfkjdfhg i shouldn't eat more. i kind of want to. but i think it might make it harder to fast tomorrow because my stomach won't be small. i guess it won't anyway at this rate. i hope i shrink my stomach loads in the three days. i know i can be determined when i want to be and i am so determined to do this.

monday and tuesday evenings i'm covered for dinner; i'm staying in college until half six both nights to do art so i can say i ate then. wednesday night i'll have to get home and make it look like i've eaten but that's all. i think i'll tell my mum i'm not going to take sandwiches any more, i'm going to buy my lunch because 'they do nice salads at college.' that'll stop me eating too much after my fast as well.

RIGHT so i think i've got this all covered. i'm kind of scared, i'm excited though. i've never fasted for more than 48 hours exactly and even then i had an innocent smoothie in between somewhere.
the only thing is, i haven't actually got any fruit juice in. i've got enough for maybe one glass of something like apple and mango but the spar near me is closed now and i don't want to walk to morrissons, my mum wouldn't understand me going for fruit juices anyway even though we've got some in.

i guess i might have to buy an innocent smoothie, that might keep me going on the tuesday or something. ahhhh shit i would have bought fruit juice on the way home on monday or tuesday but of course i'm staying in college meaning my mum is coming to collect me so i can't! bugger.

i'll have to take money and observe if there's any in the college canteen. if not, they do do milk which would fill me up too. and hot water, i could drink herbal tea. for some reason that always makes me feel more empty though.

i reckon when i ramble on like this these posts get very boring. sorry about that! i'm off, probably to have some pudding. <3