well my last post was short and well, not even close to sweet. but i was feeling very rubbish about eating and being fat. i'm determined to do this three day fast, even if it takes me a few more weeks to master it. i have learnt that it takes a little more preparation than i expected. i need to plan my exact consumption over the three days. for example like 9am: coffee one sugar, 12pm: 250ml apple juice or whatever.
i also need to make sure i actually have the juices in and enough of them! i might try an all liquids fast before i do that. ahhh the possibilities are endless!

maybe the easing in thing, on the second day end the fast at 1pm, then 3pm, then 5pm until i can do three days.
i'm quite excited about the things i can try. i can't wait to be like "name a diet, i've tried it." lol

Also, one major, major good thing is that i've learnt to control my emotions (to a certain extent) whilst fasting.
I used to sit at the dinner table with my friends and not speak and be completely in a bad mood. but now, i can be my normal self. even if that's ranting and being pissed off with everything, it's more normal than if i just sit and don't speak. however i do get overly emotional; i cried in college for the first time on tuesday :( i think it was just cause i hadn't eaten since sunday and it was taking it's toll. i had very little energy.

Anyway, when i fasted loads last year around June time my friend Esme got really involved. she would get upset with me and angry and she would openly admit that she pretty much hated me when i didn't eat. it's because her mum and sister have anorexia so i know that it's really hard for her. it's one of the reasons i started eating normally again, to stop her worrying and stressing. but now that i'm doing it normally, she doesn't notice. i just say i'm not hungry, and the good thing is, she often doesn't eat lunch (only cause she's not hungry, i think a bit of the self control is in her to be honest) and so when i say i'm not hungry when other people question me, she will actually stick up for me not eating! she thinks it's stupid that people would question my eating habits and try to make me eat, cause it's only gonna make me want to eat less to spite them for being so intrusive. she was my main obstacle, and she's even providing me with excuses or an alibi to not eat. it's slightly using her but it works in my favour and what she doesn't know won't hurt. (ouch i feel horrible saying that she's one of my best friends...)

RIGHT so this post is too long, sorry. i'm going to sleep now. a sleep which, unfortunately, is not in the slightest filled with hunger. in fact i'll probably sleep very well, i'm tired.


ahhh, next monday it all starts again.